Wednesday 7 February 2007

Early Morning Present

I just threw up. Out of the blue, not long after getting up.

I don't want it to mean I'm pregnant.

Not because I don't want to be pregnant - I do. But last time, the sickness didn't start until I was six weeks pregnant. This would be only three*. It wouldn't bode well.

My Important Project will be finished in three days. I'm so nearly there. But it's something I can't do when I'm nauseous. I'm physically incapable.

I'm hoping it was the zinc tablet I took at an unusual time of day, because I forgot to take it last night. It's ironic, really. The zinc is to prevent sickness. Ginger is full of it. But I noticed once before that I got nauseous an hour or so after taking one...

I have all these plans to use hypnosis, relaxation, CBT to combat nausea and try and break the connection between nausea and vomiting. Nausea is such hell you see, and chucking up alleviates it, so in the past I've encouraged myself to do it, if only to relieve the incessant buzzing stick-a-fork-in-your-brain that is nausea. But then I ended up dehydrated. Nearly dead. On a drip.

So anyway, this morning was only mild nausea. Very mild. But I had no control over the barfing bit. I may be living in cloud cuckoo land.

I'm not going to get ill again. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I refuse.


*Confusingly, the length of a pregnancy is measured from the first day of your last period - despite the fact that you almost certainly conceived two weeks later than that.

5 comments:

Occasionally Lost said...

Been feeling a bit off all day. Could all be psychosomatic, or just down to sleeplessness caused by Important Project.

We'll see if it happens again tomorrow morning.

But I've decided that if it does and if I do turn out to be pregnant, it colud be a good sign: It could be simple old-fashioned morning sickness, that arrives in the morning and leaves you mostly alone the rest of the day. I could handle that. That'd be fine.

Occasionally Lost said...

Of course, I might just have a tummy bug.

Who the fuck knows? My body is a foreign country, which speaks a weird language with no translators available, and tourists are not made welcome.

Occasionally Lost said...

P.S. This blog is so very specific to me and my concerns that nobody much reads it at all. It's a proper little secret corner of the internet. And now I have this mad urge to go wild and run all over the blog, whirling and shouting and taking my clothes off, shouting out obscenities and chucking custard at the walls. Just cos nobody would notice if I did.

This morning, still feeling nauseous and worried about how it would affect Important Project, I played loud music and danced around the kitchen. I remembered something me and the hypnotist discovered: That nausea has a buzziness about it that, if you concentrate really hard, you can just about convince yourself represents some kind of druggy high - instead of sheer fork-in-brain hell.

That's why I danced. To pretend to myself that, far from being nauseous, I was just off my head. And it worked! The faster I whirled, the better I felt. I spun round in circles, I jumped up and down, I wheeled back and forth between kitchen and hallway, my eyes closed, my hips swaying, and remembering a memory of a disco I went to when I was fifteen years old.

It was great. Can the cure for nausea really be that simple? Am I going to spend nine months spinning madly about the kitchen?

Doesn't sound so bad really, does it?

sallywrites said...

Sounds good to me! Buy yourself some chocolate ginger. If it makes you feel a bit better, it probably ISN'T a tummy bug!

Occasionally Lost said...

Aw thankyou. I really do appreciate the advice.

Luckily the nausea didn't last longer than that one morning, so who knows...