Disappointments and Pink Lines

The alarm was doing that thing it does of going off every five minutes, and I was doing that thing I do of pressing snooze and not waking up. At one point I surfaced enough to remember, this morning is the morning.

And then I woke up.

In the bathroom I dipped a little stick in a little pot, and started to count. Within seconds there was one pink line. I checked the instructions again. Two pink lines, if you're pregnant. Two.

Bugger.

And I felt frustrated, and embarrassed, and humiliated. Because I'd done it again. Told the world, told myself, that I felt pregnant, that I had all these symptoms... weight gain, indigestion, sore breasts, recurring faint nausea...

That was the worst bit. The nausea. Even though I know it and have had it proved over and over, I hate it when my brain shows me, yet again, how good it is at conjuring nausea out of absolutely fuck all.

But the instructions said wait five minutes, and absolutely on no account let anything splash above the line. Which means sitting there like a lemon for 300 bloody seconds, holding the dipstick and counting...

I glanced at it, and thought I could see a faint second line. Very very faint. Probably not even there at all.

I didn't even have my glasses on, I'd been so desperate for the loo.

Stupid bloody eyes, hallucinating pink lines all over the place.

I looked down at my knees, and counted some more. Then I allowed myself another glance.

Not quite so faint this time, but still pretty faint.

I checked the instructions again. They said that one line may be considerably fainter than the other...

Still, I didn't believe it at first.

But ten minutes later, the line had become more solid. There was no denying it. It was definitely there.

Yup.

I'M PREGNANT!